Imagine a child

Imagine a child, let’s make him male, just for sake of convenience.  He’s a loving child, kind, and sweet, but not exactly confident.  He’s not the smartest in the class, or the most athletic, or the best-looking, or the most popular with his peers.  He struggles.  He learns the value of hard work in school, but he never succeeds in sports, or is the most important kid at his lunch table.  Nothing comes easy to him, and he doesn’t win very often.  When he’s down, his loved ones give him pep talks.  They tell him, “One day, you’ll get invited to that party.  One day, those kids will wish they had asked you to play with them.  One day, you will own the company where they all want to work.  One day, you can buy and sell them.  One day, all those girls who rejected you will be sorry.  One day, women will fall at your feet because you are so successful.”  Imagine the little boy takes heart in those promises.  He continues to work hard, he keeps his chin up, he smiles through his tears, and he looks forward to the day when he finally wins.

Then, imagine, he never wins.  Imagine he never quite finds the right girl, he has some bad luck at work, he misses out on a promotion, and his latest girlfriend breaks up with him.  Imagine how angry he is.  Imagine how much of a failure he feels.  He has been sold a bill of goods, a load of crap, by those who love him.  He's been banking on the day when all his hard work and positive attitude will pay off and he will finally be on top, and then everything will work out just fine. He has been banking on that “one day”, when he would finally win, finally be successful, finally be good enough to deserve to be loved.  Finally, he realizes the lies he’s believed his entire life and he is pissed off.  What does that boy do?  Does he pick himself up, find some help, find some people who can love him for the blessed, grace-filled failure that he is, the blessed, grace-filled, failure that we all are, and find peace?  Or does he pick up a gun or a knife or a bomb or a car and go hurt someone to even the score?

When we tell our hurting children, “One day, you will beat them all”, we are playing russian roulette with their fragile beings.  Competition works, only for the winners.  If you never win, you get pissed off, let’s be honest.  We can talk about sportsmanship, and being good winners and losers, and those are valuable lessons.  They are valuable, if the loser is still loved, if the loser knows he lost today, but it’s OK.  If the loser knows that it’s OK if he never, ever wins.  Does that happen?

Do we ever teach our children that it’s OK if they never win, if they are never the best-looking, the most popular, or the smartest?  Do we teach them that just because they’ve had a rough time, they don’t deserve some future prize?  Do we tell them that it’s OK if they are the hard-working janitor of the Fortune 500 company, and not the owner?  Do we teach them to take pride in their own work, no matter how mundane or menial the task?  Do we teach them to care for each other, to love their detractors, to give of themselves rather than try to win?  Do we teach them to love others as themselves (which means they must love themselves, too?)  That there will be a place for them to be loved, no matter what?

Because, when I hear someone telling a sad kid, “One day you will beat all of those guys who make fun of you now”, I feel downright terrified.