What I found in church

I have some family and friends who are clergy and I love reading their blogs and facebook posts.  Lately, I’ve been directed to a few articles about what young people want in church.  And, I feel like I’ve got something to say about it.  OK--confession time--I’m not really “young” anymore.  I think I’m what you call a Gen-X-er, and I don’t mind owning up to my age of 37.  So, I have only a vague idea of what a “millenial” is and no idea what one would want in church.  I know I’ve got friends who are millienials, but I’ve never asked them about it.  However, I am the kind of person who can walk into most churches and be greeted enthusiastically.  I seem young, I am middle-class, white, straight and married, I look pretty "normal" and somewhat put-together and I have two cute little daughters.  On the surface, I am the kind of person that churches tend to want to attract.

That’s a problem to me, the idea that churches want to attract someone, instead of want to be the body of Christ and to embody the gospel.  The idea that churches are selling something, or marketing something to would-be clients.  Maybe we can’t put away our consumer culture long enough to stop treating parishioners as consumers.  Maybe we sell things all day long, our businesses, our products, our talents, ourselves, so we keep trying to sell The Church.  Jesus didn’t sell, he acted, he taught, and people followed him.

I know churches need people and wonder why they can’t get more people through their doors.  After reading a couple of articles about what people want in church, I don’t know any answers.  I don’t know why they leave.  I wasn’t even sure what I wanted in a church when I started looking.  I do know what I have found, though.

In the last two years, I found a church home in a small Episcopal parish near my house. I wasn’t sure what I was looking for when I walked through the doors.  In hindsight, I can say I was looking for the most wide-open, liberal message of universal, catholic grace and the love of God in Christ I could get, all wrapped up in the most traditional, most “high”, most “smells-and-bells”, most mystical liturgy I could find.  Or at least, that is where I ended up, where my soul is finally being fed.  I wasn’t 100% sure I found it, but I looked at finding a church as beginning a relationship.  I decided to continue dating the church (and only one church, not “dating around”) until it didn’t work anymore.  Well, 18 months later, it works pretty deep for me.

Here is what I found:  I don’t remember ever being treated as a commodity.  I don’t remember being pigeon-holed by my age or by my having young children.  I do remember being embraced and supported when my kids were loud in the service, or when I needed an extra hand to get my coffee.  I do remember challenged by readings and discussions in Sunday School.  I do remember a few well-timed phone calls from the priest to make sure I was doing OK.   I do remember being expected to participate in church life and challenged to serve. I do remember being offered a place to lead and the freedom to find my own way to do it.  I do remember glimpsing moments of people in my community being the body of Christ.

Recently, I was involved in our Vacation Bible School program.  I can only say the Holy Spirit must have been at work because on a caffeine-induced Saturday morning whim, I sent a text to our priest:  “Do we have VBS?  Can I help with it?”  The answer the next morning was, “We would love to have it.  Can you lead it and write the curriculum?”  Whoa--hold on there!  Who am I to do that?  What the heck do I know? That’s what I wanted to say, but those words did not come out of my mouth.  Instead I said, “I like projects, maybe I could do this one.”  A few months later, I was the fear(ful)l leader of VBS (although I did not write our own curriculum).  As usual, there were a few moments of sheer panic throughout the process, but in the end it all came together.

Vacation Bible School is probably the perfect church project for someone who likes working with kids.  No one expects to make any money from it, no one has any strong opinions about how it should be done, everyone is willing to help out a little, and it’s adorable.  I mean, if you aren’t charmed by 18 kids singing and dancing to Jesus Loves Me, there’s not much to charm you in this world.  So, it’s probably the best thing I could do to get my feet wet in a new church, get to know some people, share my talents, and hang out with my kids and others’ kids.

Here is what I found at church through this project:  I found many, many talented, energetic people who work together for the joy of it, without hope of gain, without attachment to results, without ego and frustration.  I found people who bring the message of God’s love in Christ to children of all ages, through music, art, acting, set design, storytelling, food, fixing boo-boos and playing Rainbow Tag.  I found energetic teenagers taking care of toddlers.  I found myself, worn down by the minutiae of life, being energized by children’s laughter.  In short, I found a little bit of the Kingdom, in the eyes of my friends, my children and our priest.

I don’t know what other people want in a church.  I might not have known even what I wanted or what I needed, but I know what I have found.